Shudhui Akti Hater Jonno
[Disclaimer: I am not a writer. This writing was come from my subconscious mind. Probably, this is my very first and will be my last Bangla writing. If it matches with anyone’s life then it will be a coincidence. ]
Shudhui akti hater jonno….
Ki cheyechilam ami ?
Ki cheyechilam ?
Ki deyar khomota rakho tumi, konodin o ja bichar kori ni
Ki cheyechilam bolte paro ?
Shudhui tomar hat duti
Ki cheyechilam ami ?
Ki cheyechilam ?
Tomar hat gulo k jara rangea tulto godhuli aloy
Ki cheyechilam bolte paro ?
Shudhui tomar hater angul gulo
Ki cheyechilam ami ?
Ki cheyechilam ?
Ja sob somoy tomak alingon kore thakto
Thakto tomar chokhe mukhe
Ki cheyechilam bolte paro ?
Shudhui tomar hasi
Ki cheyechilam ami ?
Ki cheyechilam ?
Eke dite kicu ushno ador seikhane
Ja kore tulto tomak shotontro
Ki cheyechilam bolte paro ?
Shudhui tomar chokh duti
Ki cheyechilam ami ?
Ki cheyechilam ?
Hoyto tomar sob theke opriyo jinish ta
Ja tomak protiniyoto kure kure khay
Ki chyechilam bolte paro ?
Shudhui tomar koster kichu khon, kicu opekhar pala
Paini kicui
Paini tomar mohamulloban hat duti
Paini tomar sorgeyo sei hasi
Paini tomar opolok chahonir sei chokh duti
Paini tomar opekhar kicu khon
Jegulo hoto shudhui ebong shudhui amar jonno (?)
Paini kicui
Tobuo kanna gulo akhon shudhui baspo hoye ure
Koshter tibrotay pay na tara nisthur matir shad
Dana mele ure jay karo khusir bonna hoye
Ekhanei anondo
Kosto gulo na hoy amari thaklo !!
Anondo gulo sob na hoy holo kannar.
Paini kicui
Tobuo ami valo achi
Onek, onek, onek beshi e valo achi
Kno jano ?
Shudhu etukui vebe je
Aj purno hoyeche tomar sob asha
Sob kina jani na
Tobe etuku jani
Purno hoyeche tomar asha.
Paini kicui
Ami na hoy thaklam kannar baspo hoyei
Jei baspo konodino bristy hoye jhorbe na
Konodino shamil hobe na tomar anonder borshone
Mishbe na tomar shukher nodite
Shudhui etuku vebe
Aj purno hoyeche tomar chawa
Valo theko.
Musa said,
August 20, 2009 at 4:44 am
কি চেয়েছিলাম আমি?
কি চেয়েছিলাম?
কি দেয়ার ক্ষমতা রাখো তুমি? কোনোদিন ও যার বিচার করিনি
…..।
দুর্দান্ত কবিতা হইছে রোকন, চালিয়ে যাও
shanta rahman said,
August 20, 2009 at 4:58 am
good try indeed…go on..
Trisha said,
August 20, 2009 at 5:02 am
u shd write more……..
lekhar hat chole ashbe……..
liked da fact dat whtevr came to ur mind u wrote……..
kichu repeated portion kom thakle bhalo hoto aro…..
beshi khob prokash hoye geche…….
jodi etake simply write up dhori….tahole bar bar ek i sentencer fire asa ta ektu shobdo bahullo hoy…r jodi pongti dhori tahole ha repeat kora jay kintu ekhane ektu beshi….
r…….kichu shobdo jegulo abr nijer kothay ferot eseche eki shobdo ke ektu ghurie onno dhoroner sebtence e likhle bhalo hoto..jemon jeta simple..otate kichu bisheshon or bishessho diye ghurano jeto……..
Rokon ami jani……ami jai bolbo ota je shudhu matroi ekjon criticer point of view eta bujhar jothesto maturity apnar ache…….
ei criticism er mane ei noy je apni valo likhen na.borong ami bolbo 1jon starter hishebe apni valo likhechen…
r eta kono best frnd r point of view theke na……eta mone rakhben……….
nd congrats……..on accomplishing ur first evr bangla write up in such a manner…
hope to see more……..
Nadia Ahmed said,
August 20, 2009 at 5:05 am
very nice poetry !!! 1st poem but awesome ! Hope to read more from u in near future !
shahed said,
August 20, 2009 at 5:07 am
Great! it shouldn’t be the last one!
Have a good start.
Keep it up man.
Raihana said,
August 20, 2009 at 5:47 am
hey dear tumi tu dekhe pura ei kobi hoia geso……..:)
but tumi tu kisu chawnai (chaile bibechona koira dekhtam)…..lolzzzz….. r ami o kisu chainai……..haha
Jebun said,
August 20, 2009 at 5:48 am
Good try.keep it up.
rainman said,
August 20, 2009 at 5:53 am
Tobuo ami valo achi
Onek, onek, onek beshi e valo achi
Kno jano ?
Shudhu etukui vebe je
Aj purno hoyeche tomar sob asha
Sob kina jani na
Tobe etuku jani
Purno hoyeche tomar asha.
valo hoyse yer………:)
Nafis said,
August 20, 2009 at 6:02 am
Good one to start with. Yeah, its a bit rough on the edges, so what, this is your first one you pitched in. It will only get better in time. Its like a journey. I would say, simply play along with the words and you will get there one day. Oh yeah, don’t forget to enjoy while you are in it.
Cheers
MSH Jewel said,
August 20, 2009 at 6:05 am
Rock..U’r name says you’re as hard as it gets on anything …so hope nothing stands on your way….even if so shout ” Let’s Play ”
Rumana said,
August 20, 2009 at 6:34 am
wonderful!!! nice attempt, keep it up.
Trisha said,
August 20, 2009 at 7:03 am
mone hoy inspiration ta romel bhaia……:P:P
bepar na………
ami bhaia ke bolbo……..
ami kokhono lekha bhule gele apnake try korte..
atleast u knw my way of writing……….
oooooooooo…………..
some surprises r coming up for u…….
may b…within 3 mnths……….:)
hope u’ll b thr……….:D
Asad Rahman said,
August 20, 2009 at 8:31 am
Hei.. Thats really cool. Keep it up man !
Rezowan said,
August 20, 2009 at 8:41 am
It’s really nice rock on…..ei chondo gula kivabe mathai ashe? its just too good.
Mou said,
August 20, 2009 at 9:09 am
It’s really good
Good !!!!!!
Moinul said,
August 20, 2009 at 10:30 am
Kobi kobi vab,
chilo shudu kobitar ovob,
ai bar sheita o gelo nipat.
Good try.keep it up. All the way best of luck
S.M. Rasel Mahamud Aryan said,
August 20, 2009 at 10:54 am
“ভালো লিখেছো বেশ করেছো ছোট্ট তুমি রোকন তাই বুঝি অভিমানে স্বীকার করে নিলেই সবই”
Nice rock! good going but don’t stop the writing …..
rokonrock said,
August 28, 2009 at 4:09 am
@ Musa vi: Thanks musa vi
sry yarr, this is the last. No more poems from my side.
@ Shanta Apu: Thanks santa apu
@ Tris: I always treat u as my critic. A big thanks goes to u.
@ Nadia: mmm…. Not really
@ Shahed vi: thanks shahed vi
@ Lollypop: nice comment yarr…. like it….
@ Bebun: onek kosto hoise bujhtesi comment dite
@ Rainman: dont know u man…. thanks….
@ Nafis vi: Thanks my dear ‘Motu’ bhaia……
@ Jew vi: Yaaa….. Jew vi, u r right…. I am…. Let’s play……
@ Ru apu: Thanks ru apu…..
@ Asad: Thanks man….
@ Reznish: ha ha ha…. thanks reznish…. i cant write man… this is my first and last as well
@ Mou: Thanks mam….
@ Moinul: wow…nice man….u shud try also
@ Rasel vi: Thanks ras vi, for ur nice comment….